Its just a wedding… Right?

Kissing, hugging, flirtatious smiles it’s like everywhere I turn BAM! Another couple hits me with the sight of their lovey dovey, kissy kissy over the top PDA! *insert gag* But in actual fact I cant help but be that tiny bit jealous of these people who seem to have a smile on their face ALL the time.

If only it was that easy, right?

Going to a wedding is great right? A chance to dress up, a chance to feel fancy and a chance to meet new friends and see old ones. All seems perfect until you look closely and it says Meilani and Guest Uh-oh. What to do now? A date?! Eeep! 

It has been a week since I have received that invitation and I have to confirm my guest tomorrow! Lets play this out like some romance novel that we all secretly love 🙂

*Doorbell rings*

Open the door to find… Nate

“Nate?” I manage to squeak out. He is in a singlet and basketball shorts with his running shoes on. He has beads of sweat on his forehead along with some frown lines like he is frustrated or confused about something. 

“Meilani I have to ask you something… Something I have been nervous, confused and frustrated about..” Uh-oh

“Nate it’s alright, just spit it out” There goes me… Way too confident for my own good.

“Well… Uhhh…”

“Nate?”

“Willyougototheweddingwithme?” He gets out in one breath.

“Huh?”

“Look Meilani, for the past week I’ve been thinking and thinking and there is really only one girl I want to go with.” I feel my breath catch in my throat. Oh. My. God.

“So maybe we can go as friends?” He finishes. 

Of course. Why would anyone want to go on an actual date with me? I let out a breath that feels like its been in there for ages and with a sigh I reply;

“Yeah, sure. That would be great.” I smile like I’m okay and I must be a better actress than I though because he grins, hugs me and then runs next door to his house.

*End of cheesy story* 

Yeah, yeah I know you’re thinking: “So tell me more about how hard your life is?” But you have no idea how complicated the situation is until your in it. Trust me. How can I go to the wedding with Nate when I want it to be something more? I’ll just have to suck it up and go with him. This could be fun! 

It’s just a wedding… Right?

Over and Out! xx

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You are who you are….

Hello fellow bloggers!! or as they say in samoan – Malo! Hmmm…. speaking of languages, lets say hello in some of my favourite languages 😀 (I sound like a kindergarten teacher)

French – Bonjour!

Hawaiian – Aloha!

Spanish – Hola!

Japanese- Konnichiwa! (depending on the time of day)

Okay enough with the pre-k lesson and onto some more important things. In teenage society these days words like gay, homo, fag are used without knowing the true meaning to it. I realised this yesterday when a gay couple that looked about 18 were being bullied by a group of teenagers (the same age). It made me wonder….. “What is really so bad about being gay? What is so terrible about two men or two women loving each other just like every other human being falling in love.

Has our society become so selfish that we are going to take away the rights for a man to love another man? (vice versa with women) All because we think it’s…. wrong? Has anyone actually given a valid reason as to why this is wrong? No. They simply shrug it off with a disgusted face and a simple “I do not need to prove my opinion.” This… This is wrong. Telling people that they cannot love another person of the same sex because simply put, they don’t like it! Now that, is wrong.

Recently I’ve been listening to a song by Macklemore that yes has a catchy tune and some great singing but when you really listen to the words, you realise that it is much more than that. So here it is –

When I was in the third grade I thought that I was gay
‘Cause I could draw, my uncle was, and I kept my room straight
I told my mom tears rushing down my face
She’s like “Ben you’ve loved girls since before pre-k tripping,”
Yeah, I guess she had a point, didn’t she?
Bunch of stereotypes all in my head.
I remember doing the math like, “Yeah, I’m good at little league”
A preconceived idea of what it all meant
For those that liked the same sex
Had the characteristics
The right wing conservatives think it’s a decision
And you can be cured with some treatment and religion
Man made rewiring of a predisposition
Playing god, aw nah here we go
America the brave still fears what we don’t know
And god loves all his children, is somehow forgotten
But we paraphrase a book written thirty-five-hundred years ago
I don’t know.

He talks about how people these days are judged by how they look, what they wear, what they take interest in and who they hang out with. Why? Because many people do not know the real meaning of these words that they are saying! He then goes on to talk about how people have labelled it a “sickness” or a “disease” that can be cured like its some sort of cancer! Imagine that… You’re trying to express your feelings to people you care about and they simply say to you “It’s okay, your sickness can be cured.” That’s what makes me sick… And religious people who say that god loves all his children. All his creations… But of course this is simply forgotten in the case of a gay person. Because really, God’s words have been twisted and turned into something different than the true meaning of love…. Because that’s all it is. One man, one woman fighting the law to be able to love someone of the same gender…

I was in church a couple of weeks ago and the minister was talking about a boy coming out to his family that he was gay. He said that if he was his father that he would disown him right there and then. And I was disgusted… Disgusted that a minister of a holy place could stand there and talk about everyone loving one another and forgiveness is they key to happiness and then turning around and saying something the total opopsite to love and forgiveness. It makes me think “Does the rest of the world think like this? All those people who think that loving someone of the same sex is wrong. The emotional pain that people must put gay people through is unimaginable. And it’s quite sickening to think I live in a society like this.

Over and Out!

These are the words from the song and the youtube link –

When I was in the third grade I thought that I was gay
‘Cause I could draw, my uncle was, and I kept my room straight
I told my mom tears rushing down my face
She’s like “Ben you’ve loved girls since before pre-k tripping,”
Yeah, I guess she had a point, didn’t she?
Bunch of stereotypes all in my head.
I remember doing the math like, “Yeah, I’m good at little league”
A preconceived idea of what it all meant
For those that liked the same sex
Had the characteristics
The right wing conservatives think it’s a decision
And you can be cured with some treatment and religion
Man made rewiring of a predisposition
Playing god, aw nah here we go
America the brave still fears what we don’t know
And god loves all his children, is somehow forgotten
But we paraphrase a book written thirty-five-hundred years ago
I don’t know

And I can’t change
Even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
I can’t change
Even if I try
Even if I wanted to
My love
My love
My love
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm

If I was gay, I would think hip-hop hates me
Have you read the YouTube comments lately
“Man, that’s gay” gets dropped on the daily
We become so numb to what we’re saying
A culture founded from oppression
Yet we don’t have acceptance for ‘em
Call each other faggots behind the keys of a message board
A word rooted in hate, yet our genre still ignores it
Gay is synonymous with the lesser
It’s the same hate that’s caused wars from religion
Gender to skin color, the complexion of your pigment
The same fight that led people to walk outs and sit ins
It’s human rights for everybody, there is no difference!
Live on and be yourself
When I was at church they taught me something else
If you preach hate at the service those words aren’t anointed
That holy water that you soak in has been poisoned
When everyone else is more comfortable remaining voiceless
Rather than fighting for humans that have had their rights stolen
I might not be the same, but that’s not important
No freedom till we’re equal, damn right I support it

And I can’t change
Even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
My love
My love
My love
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm

We press play, don’t press pause
Progress, march on
With the veil over our eyes
We turn our back on the cause
Till the day that my uncles can be united by law
When kids are walking ‘round the hallway plagued by pain in their heart
A world so hateful some would rather die than be who they are
And a certificate on paper isn’t gonna solve it all
But it’s a damn good place to start
No law is gonna change us
We have to change us
Whatever god you believe in
We come from the same one
Strip away the fear
Underneath it’s all the same love
About time that we raised up

And I can’t change
Even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
I can’t change
Even if I try
Even if I wanted to
My love
My love
My love
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm
She keeps me warm
Love is patient
Love is kind
Love is patient
Love is kind
(I‘m not crying on Sundays)
Love is patient
(I‘m not crying on Sundays)
Love is kind
(I‘m not crying on Sundays)
Love is patient
(I‘m not crying on Sundays)
Love is kind
(I‘m not crying on Sundays)
Love is patient
(I‘m not crying on Sundays)
Love is kind
(I‘m not crying on Sundays)
Love is patient
Love is kind

 

Persuade Me

Defeated…. she was defeated; miserable without his company.

She worked as the seconds ticked by…. Dragged by. The minute hand seemed to be stuck in time, never moving. The days were never ending, cruelly taunting her as she impatiently waited for him to come back.

For him to come back…… What was happening to her? 

It had been days since they had spoken and it would potentially be days before they would speak again. But how could the guilt she had seen in his face days before suddenly turn cold?

Seconds had become the enemy, minutes the foe, hours the antagonist and days the nemesis.

And they all led back to him.

Her thoughts surrounded him.

It couldn’t be healthy to think of one person so much. It couldn’t be normal to become so attached to someone in such a short amount of time.

Somehow a simple smile from him had become the highlight of her day though. He mad her not so desirable life tolerable.

Someone asked her what she thought depression felt like in which she answered:

“It feels like drowning… Like your lungs are full of water and you cant take a single breath or talk to anyone. It feels like your alone…. when you’re surrounded by thousands of people.”

 

Wow, Like that doesn’t sound depressing at all……

Over and Out!

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Take Care

“As you are now, you could disappear and no one would notice.” My heart dropped straight to the pit of my stomach. From anyone else I would of buried those words with the rest of nasty things that were thrown at me. But when those words left his mouth it felt like someone had grabbed my heart and simply broken it in half. I could see the guilt in his eyes as soon as the words left his mouth…. “Meilani I’m -” I cut him off. I couldn’t let him see how much he had just hurt me with a few simple words. So before he could say sorry I turned on my heel and ran away as fast as I could. 

I knew Dylan was chasing me but I didn’t look back. I just kept on going.

I stopped when I realised I had run all the way to the woods behind Nate’s house. I didn’t even know where I was running until I looked around and my surroundings became clear. I was standing in the clearing looking out to the ocean on the edge of a cliff. The clearing in the woods where Nate told me that if I ever needed someone, just call….. And he’ll be there.

But I knew that I would be alone on this one… I couldn’t hold it in anymore.. I dropped to the ground and cried my eyes out. After a few minutes I felt strong arms encircle me, and someone whisper into my hair “Shhhh….. It’s going to be alright, I’m here.” 

Nate.

Something inside me knew he would come. And for once.. I didn’t want him to leave. So I let him hold me tight in his arms, whispering comforting words. I knew I could depend on him to make me feel like a loved human being and not a communal punching bag.

I dont know how long we stayed like that. But all I knew was that in his arms… I felt safe. And it wasn’t a dream, all warm and fuzzy, I knew that there were still problems ahead, but I knew that he would be there to get me through it. So I looked up into his eyes. Those eyes. Usually filled with happiness and warmth were now filled with concern and confusion but they still had that warmth with them. And it was right there. In that moment that I knew. I had been chasing after Dylan looking for the man inside him that was actually inside of Nate… He had been there the whole time. Every time I had pushed him away…. He had come closer. And here he was… When I needed him most.

 

Over and Out! 

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Finding Me….

Things that once seemed so simple….. Had suddenly become so complicated… Who am I? What is my purpose in life? These questions seemed so easy when I was younger…. Until I actually started to take them seriously. When I was 5 my mum asked me this question and unlike other 5-year old girls who wanted to be a princess, I wanted to be a doctor. She asked me again when I was 10 where I simply answered with: Doctor. The same process was repeated when I was 15 and now that I have hit this not so life changing milestone of turning 18…… I realised that all those years I answered with the same question to keep my parents satisfied while continuously pushing away my true dreams….

Now that I am 18 was it time to express how I truly felt….. Would they accept me for me? Or was this a road to be taken alone?

My parents had mapped out my life before I was born, not knowing that it was unwanted… My desires in life was unnecessary in their eyes. And so to prevent World War III I had prevented myself from being able to pursue my dreams……. Had I screwed up my destiny? Or was my fate supposed to stink?

But it was settled…. I was going to Medical School whether I liked it or not……. My parents would choose the most prestigious school in the world. And of course this school would be in New York… but how I was I supposed to focus on a career I didn’t want, when my passion was right next door?!

I knew if I didn’t decide quickly the door to my dream would close….. And I’d be thrown through the gates of Medical School..

Over and Out!

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Choice Vs Chance

Someone once said that it’s choice, not chance, that determines our destiny. My head made the choice to end things with Dylan. But my heart…

…my heart was still waiting for the chance that my head might…reconsider.

Did I screw up my destiny? Or was my fate supposed to stink?

But it was settled. I was going to the dance with Nate. With special guest star Jacob. With Jake by my side, a good time at the dance was all but in the cards…contingent upon one more thing. If I wasn’t going to let fate influence my decisions, I wouldn’t let some vile letter do it either. It was time to put my past where it belonged. In the past.

Unlike Dylan, Nate wasn’t afraid to be a dork. And I was ready to dork out with him. I was living in the moment. And I didn’t know if it was by chance or by choice. But I didn’t care. It was time for me…to bust a move.

On the dance floor, Jacob found out that Natalie had been his missed connection. I told Nate I’d explain it later, but in truth, the story was short. Jacob had connected with the girl he thought was missing. Which made me wonder if I was still missing the guy I had been connected to?

And then I stopped thinking. And I let myself live in the moment. Everything with Nate was easy. Everything was as it was meant to be. Because finally the other guy I had been pining over was all but a distant…

…forty feet away.

Dylan had come to find me at the dance. Why? Because he wanted to know if there was still a chance between us. I guess these days a peaceful life is too much for one to ask for. He had asked for my heart but was I ready? Am I too young to know what my heart desires? Or what my mind needs? So I went with my hand….. That ended up entwined with Nate’s.

One door to my heart had closed. Which meant a new one could open. And Nate was more than welcome to walk through it.

Over and Out!

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The Lowdown on Meilani Grace. What makes her SO awesome?!

My name is Meilani Grace, I am 18 years old with one of those HUGE stereotypical Samoan family’s. I am currently stuck in that halfway point of “My life is my Oyster” and “HOLY CRAP I have no idea what to do with my life! Dancing is my passion and I never want to give it up. Whether I turn it into a career or whether I do it just because I love it. I have had a taste of modelling and am thinking about getting into acting. I have an acquired an obsession for trying to eat healthy and exercising all the time (apart from my rare carbohydrate binges that go straight to my bum – I’m only human!). I was born with a passion of exotic places, especially islands. But one day I want to get enough money to be able to live the dream in New York. The single life is tough, but it is also a chance to be free and focus on me. And only me. The only thing I’m in love with is dancing 🙂

Pretty much to sum up everything – I’m all over the shop. So somewhere in between dancing, the mess of my social life, my daydreaming ways and a LOT of chocolate, I hope someone will find humour in this crazy lifestyle I live.

Over and Out!

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